I think I'll post my elaborate scheme since it seems to interest people whenever I tell them:
I created a thread on a messageboard with heavy traffic offering to pay $20 and two games or blurays (it was originally like $10 and a game, but I got desperate when time was running out) to any musician who can memorize the two pages of detailed info covering the scenario in my typed report as well as every kind of question my professor might ask should she call (all the way down to the color and design of my imaginary shirt). When a volunteer emerged, I made them change their voicemail greeting to the name of one of the people in my report. I told them how to act and to be natural so it doesn't sound like their recalling fake shit.
In the end my professor never called, but I don't care because I'm not getting expelled!
EDIT: and BTW, I want to make it clear that I'm NOT one of those students. I have a 3.5 GPA built on a foundation of hard work and being a good student and this is the first time I've ever done something like this. This semester has been extra stressful and several factors have made it difficult for me to manage time.