[LostAllways]

Just applied at a local sperm bank, waiting on the call back. I'm intelligent (just turned 19, senior standing in university), bilingual (arguably trilingual), good looking enough, tall enough, and absolutely ripped and healthy as hell ;) get at me ladies. My only concerns: I've smoked weed, and I have really, really, utterly terrible eyesight. Not sure if that even matters because I don't think eyesight is in any way hereditary. If I don't qualify, at least I'll have the extensive genetic/infectious disease screenings done for free. I really hope I do though.

So... anyone here have experience (or know someone that does) with donating sperm? And by donating, I mean getting paid to do it. Tell me about how great it is to masturbate for money!

[LostAllways]

Ohhhhhh damn, I'm allergic to eggs, sesame seeds, kiwi, pecans, walnuts, and cats. Disqualified. GG.

... I'm going to lie about the food allergies and see what happens.

[LostAllways]

Originally Posted by sjb2k1

that would be really really shitty of you

My food allergies have actually [edit: positively] contributed to my quality of life greatly. Besides the fact that the only reaction is vomiting the food in my stomach (which has given me incredibly, incredibly strong esophagus control that's allowed me to binge drink for the past 2 years without ever throwing up, not even once, ever, I fucking swear), I've always had to think about my food choices and read my nutrition labels from a very young age when most kids would just devour whatever garbage their parents shat out in front of them. This made me aware of things most Americans have never even heard of such as "Calories" and "Servings per container" and "Fat" and "Carbohydrates" and "Protein" and the likes, and it's made me acutely aware of what types of foods are nutritious vs. what aren't. I'm a nutrition guru. Vegan for years (recently started eating fish, you can call me a Vegan+Fish... seriously look at fish, there's no way they exist for any reason besides to be consumed as part of an incredible diet). I'm more aesthetic (brah) and stronger than all my friends that swear by eating beef daily (rofl, idiots). I break necks at the gym, I have a big ass that's better than the asses of 92% of women. If my parents weren't idiots I could've easily been a professional athlete. On top of all this, it's taught me a bit of discipline. I can't eat cakes, some cookies, brownies, basically anything that's empty calories. The only negative is apparently walnuts are the healthiest fucking nut, which bothers the shit out of me. I try one from time to time to see if I'm still allergic. They're in a container here behind my laptop. Yep, still allergic.

tl,dr; this kid would be fucking blessed to be half Palestinian, and have my food allergies.

[LostAllways]

Originally Posted by sjb2k1

i don't care how you rationalize it. i repeat: lying on an application for something as vital as this is really really shitty.

I disagree, I don't think it matters at all. Allergies aren't a genetic disease. Unless you can give me a valid reason for why lying about non-lethal food allergies that are closer to food-intolerances than anything is 'really really shitty', your opinion doesn't matter to me.

I have two uncles (one on each side of family) with the same egg allergy, and they both grew out of it around pre-adolescence. I'm supposed to have already grown out of these allergies, but I haven't which is fine with me. They've gotten way less severe over time to the point that I can eat stuff with eggs in it without feeling shitty or vomiting. The nuts and seeds are a different story, instant vomit which is always nice. I should make it clear that when the label says "May contain traces of...", it's a non-issue because traces aren't enough to trigger them. A doctor said it's actually healthy to vomit periodically and cleanse out the stomach a bit.

[LostAllways]

Originally Posted by bobsheiskawy

...maybe a woman looking for a sperm donor wouldn't want her kid to be allergic to the things you're allergic to.

Boo-fucking-hoo, the kid's going to be gorgeous, tall, athletic, sharp as hell, etc. They can deal.

Originally Posted by Fringe

Literally the worst thing I've read all week

You're welcome :)

[LostAllways]

Originally Posted by sjb2k1

i see you've edited your post, but allergies and the tendency to develop them are absolutely hereditary. so you will be fucking over someone because you want money for jerking off.

So how exactly am I fucking anyone over? I'm still not clear on that. You think food allergy = depressed child or something? lol... Good parents, happy child. Shitty parents, probably unhappy child. Food allergies are not a factor here.

[LostAllways]

Originally Posted by leftapart

You didn't apply to that place in Berkeley that advertises under the job section on craigslist... did you?

Nah, Palo Alto. Berkeley is toooo far. I wish I lived in Berks though. If you look on CL, there's a million fucking studies they'll pay you $75/hour and up to show up to for people our age. I'd never need a real job. Why, you've been there or something?

[LostAllways]

Originally Posted by RyanPm40

Why does OP think allergies and eye sight aren't hereditary? Considering he said he has people in his family with egg allergies, and he has an egg allergy.. sounds hereditary to me haha. The tendency to develop allergies often IS hereditary. And if he's been having eye issues since birth (not sure if he has or not), also probably hereditary.

Eyesight is 100% not hereditary under all circumstances. If two people that are legally blind fuck they're not gonna have a legally blind kid, that's not how it works. I have 4 siblings and none of them have any allergies -- ever heard of a recessive allele? Just because you don't have a certain condition or allergy, doesn't mean you don't carry the allele.

[LostAllways]

Originally Posted by sammyboy516

I swear I will e-mail your profile picture to every sperm donation center in the Bay Area and tell them you lied about your allergies.

Seriously though, what an awful thing to do, man.

Edit: I wouldn't even have to e-mail all of them, you even mentioned the location in this thread.

Come on bro I'm just trying to pay for college

[LostAllways]

Originally Posted by sammyboy516

Then get a real job and work like everyone else? I mean seriously, it would be really crappy to lie about that.

Yeah I'm not already busting my ass working full time while taking 16 upper division units. I pay my own tuition in full, cash, like nobody else. I spoke to a rep and she said there are cases in which non-severe food allergies do not disqualify donors and that they may be able to work with me, so I'm going in and seeing what's up.

Also: Nobody on this forum has an even half-decent sense of humor, that's what happens when you ban all the good trolls (Sweezy).

Except for these two, they probably get laid

Originally Posted by saintnumberfive

This is a fun thread to surf through. haha

'twas the goal

Originally Posted by bobsheiskawy

i'd be so pissed if i lost the food allergy lottery at the sperm bank.

I'll let you know who does

[LostAllways]

Originally Posted by sammyboy516

I'm really not sure what you mean by any of this. It's great that you're working hard and its great that you are putting yourself through school, I sincerely respect that. I'm not sure if you're trying to say you were joking about lying to the sperm bank or what, because now you're sayng they can work with you about your allergies. All I (and others, I assume) are saying is that if you were serious, that would be a really crappy thing to do. It has nothing to do with having a "half-decent sense of humor." You started a serious thread and then made what I guess you're saying was a joke, but didn't at all seem like one.

Yes, I was joking. And even if I weren't, why do people feel the need to act all righteous as if they sincerely care for the incredibly unfortunate rich white child that ends up with non-severe food allergies that there will probably be a simple treatment for by the time they give a shit that they can't eat a fucking cake. This is PL, what the fuck is a "serious thread"?

[LostAllways]

Originally Posted by Theseventhson

Man now I feel really bad if you're dumb enough to think you're even remotely funny.

And I feel really bad that this forum has endured 17 thousand posts of yours. Admit it, this thread is the best thing to happen to you all week. I'm giving you a chance to feel pity for something besides yourself for once.

Originally Posted by Siren

You really like yourself.

You're supposed to really like yourself dumbass.

[LostAllways]

Originally Posted by RyanPm40

Not all people who adopt are rich. Some go through a lot of financial struggle to because they can't have their own child and they really want to be parents

Do you know what "Palo Alto" is?

[LostAllways]

Originally Posted by White

2) LostAllways is, unfortunately, not a fictional character.

Unfortunate for you, because I'm boning your mother

Originally Posted by Theseventhson

My life is great, buckaroo. People on this site and in real life love me.

I'm honestly glad to hear that.

[LostAllways]

Originally Posted by White

Case in point, re Dennis being hilarious and you not being hilarious.

Don't generally have time to watch TV, don't know what you're talking about, but my friends all say that show is great