Female - 21 Years Old
Don't blame yourself for anything and let yourself grieve in whatever way you feel will help. I've spent the last 3+ years dwelling on the "what if's", how I never got to say goodbye and how I wish I had one more minute but it doesn't matter because it's completely out of my control. And when they say time heals all wounds, they're lying. Eventually it dulls but it never goes away.
I'm truly sorry for your loss. I wish I could offer better advice but it's hard for me to think about death