Jono Goes To The Movies: A Good Day To Die Hard

February 14th. Valentine's Day. The day to show your loved one (and Hallmark) you really care about them. Conveniently for the rest of us, it's a day to complain about all the happy couples and passive aggressively let everyone know how unhappy we are by rebelling against the holiday. Well, I mixed a little bit of A and B. I got pancakes with my buddy, Phil. I went to a pizza buffet with my roommate, Eric. Finally I went to prove my manhood on this momentous friend filled day by seeing A GOOD DAY TO DIE HARD with my buddy, James (he needed to prove it a bit more than i did SORRY JAMES).

To be completely honest, I fell asleep during Die Hard 4 every time I tried watching it. I wasn't sure if the knowledge of its plot would change my experience when I took on the fifth installment of the series. Luckily, it didn't really tie in at all. This time, John McClane reunites with his son in Russia to stop a bunch of bad guys. Believe it or not, his GI Joe of a son is a badass spy and isn't about to forgive paps for walking out on him. This is about all of the plot you need before the explosions, gun fights and car chases. John (Bruce Willis for those of you born under a rock) is aging and takes any chance he can to let you know he's "on vacation." The dialogue gets a little stale, but when you start seeing machine guns and blood shooting everywhere you start to forget all about it.

At some points I truly believed the writer of the film thought he was working on Unbreakable 2 instead of Die Hard 5. John is a tough New Jersey cop, but… nothing can ever hurt him. Multiple car flips/crashes (almost Blues Brothers scenes), falling off buildings, being shot, even missiles have no effect on this guy. I know it's really hard for him to die as the title suggests, but you could at LEAST make him limp a bit more. I mean, a few years ago I hit a deer in my car and my neck hurt for a week. This dude has hundreds of men trying to kill him and none of it phases him. Maybe that lack of feeling is why he was such a crappy Dad for so long? Maybe he hit his head a few too many times and that's why he kept saying the same lines over and over again?

In conclusion, it was an enjoyable action flick. Does it compare to the first two Die Hards? Hell no. Is it a nice mindless time-waster? Hell yes. Does Bruce Willis have misleadingly short arms? Hell yes. Do you also feel the subtle government placed undertones of turning Russia into bad guys again leading us into another Cold War? Kinda.

P.S. How much do you want to bet he says, "Yippie-Kai Yay" somewhere in this movie! I mean, I won't spoil it for you. Let's just say if you put your money on "HE WON'T SAY IT" then I'll post my paypal address for you to send some cash. Taco Bell is cheap, but it isn't free. We're in a recession after all.

It disappoints me they keep making these.

Do a review for Son In Law or Encino Man.

Bruce Willy 3 is my favorite in the series.

Originally Posted by Jason Tate

It disappoints me they keep making these.

When I first read that I thought you were talking about Jonos reviews. Haha.

Ya!!! My suggestion got reviewed.

I love this series. Probably be seeing this tonight haha

Jono, do a column for The Sweeney when it comes out.

I thought it was thoroughly mediocre. Not bad, but nothing really great. I thought it was missing the charm of McClane being this guy who gets caught in the wrong place at the wrong time, and that killed it for me a little bit.

Troll 2!

Watched this movie last night and it was horrible. The dialogue was so contrived and cliched (I could say the same about the acting). The plot was pretty much non-existent, I found myself giving up after 30 minutes as I was not emotionally invested in any of the characters and the story. And the writer's attempts to turn Bruce Willis' "I'm on vacation" line into a running gag got old real quick (there were maybe a few awkward laughs at the theatre). This is what I get for not looking up the movie on Rotten Tomatoes beforehand.

Also, did the camerawork in the first 30 minutes make anyone else dizzy? It was shaky as fuck and they kept zooming in and out for no reason. Director needs to at least go to film school.

I enjoyed but I'm biased and am able to admit it was a bad movie.

Originally Posted by EvilZeppelin

^ Nuff said