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07:48 PM on 02/14/14
#1
takeabreath20
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On this day that brings joy to so many people, it is a sad day for me. I got news that my grandfather only has about 72hours to live. Having a past of self-injury because I hold things in and am a very empathetic person, I am worried that I will relapse into it after 7 months without self-injury. I am the one who has to be strong for my family, I have to be there for them. I can't let them see how I am responding to it. It may seem like I'm holding my emotions in but I have to since everyone else is grieving. I honestly am at a loss and don't know what to do anymore. Any advice? Please.
08:02 PM on 02/14/14
#2
takeabreath20
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Hey there. We are so sorry to hear this. We wish you peace in this time. Have you reached out to anyone else about this? We want you to know that we believe completely in you and know how hard this time is for you. We encourage you to reach out to a friend, a loved one, or a counselor. We believe wholeheartedly in the power of community and that finding professional help is an important step in the road to recovery. You are not defined by your self injury nor by the pain you feel. We believe completely in you. Our time is coming close to an end, but we encourage you to send an email to info@twloha.com if you ever want to talk and we would love to speak more with you there. Much love to you! Never quit fighting!
TWLOHAty I have talked to a couple friends about it but they think that I should not show my emotions because it will just make it harder on the rest of my family. I have been seeing a counselor about everything I've been through, but each time she asks if I have thought of self-harm or suicidal thoughts it has become so easy for me to lie and act like I'm perfectly fine. I'm used to being the strong one of the family. I don't want to let them down. I definitely will hit you all up on the email.
08:07 PM on 02/14/14
#3
takeabreath20
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First off, i'm so sorry for the weight of that news. That must be so painful. Here's my advice: You don't have to fake it. You don't have to stay strong. You deserve to be able to be honest. It's awful news. You love him. It makes perfect sense that you would be hurting right now, and it's fine to be real about that. i hope you have some friends you can lean on, people who will listen and be there to encourage you. And then we are definitely huge believers in counseling. With your history of self-injury, and your desire to not go back there, it could be a great time to sit with a counselor, who could help you process all that you're dealing with and feeling right now. Again, biggest thing: It's okay to be honest. This is painful stuff. It's also simply part of being alive on this planet. You shouldn't have to fake it.
It is very difficult. It is my third grandparent to pass. I know others are in worse situations then me so I feel kinda weird talking about this. I know I shouldn't fake it but I just don't want it to be harder on my family. I do have some but they just know me as the strong one who people go to with problems not the other way around. I have been going to counseling but it is so hard because I find it so easy to lie about what I want/plan on doing. I know it is part of life but I just take everyone's pain as my own. I want to show my pain but I don't want to let people down.
08:21 PM on 02/14/14
#4
takeabreath20
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Don't worry about letting people down. That idea is a lie. You deserve to be a human being. And that means being allowed to show your feelings. Also, i think part of the equation is leaning on people outside of your family. If everyone around you is hurting, it would be good to lean on people outside your family, who can listen and meet you in your pain and questions.

We are wrapping up now. Feel free to email info@twloha.com for more.
I know I deserve that. I deserve better than what I'm feeling now. I am trying my hardest to not only rely on my friends but also God. It is not easy. Thank you very much. I have emailed you guys. Thanks again.

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