Tigercity - Pretend Not to Love
Record Label: None
Released Date: July 7, 2007
Because Tigercity failed to include an instruction manual with their sophomore EP Pretend Not to Love, the following steps are recommended to get the most out of your Tigercity listening experience.
Step 1: You'll first need colorful briefs, a ringer or v-necked undershirt, and striped crew socks, all circa 1980. If your older brother or sister have already donated theirs to Goodwill, those from American Apparel will have to do. While not mandatory, single striped sweatbands are also recommended.
Step 2: Stock your mini fridge with Pabst Blue Ribbon and Bartles & Jaymes.
Step 3: Invite over someone attractive whom you've only just met, and get undressed. Cue up a VCR with any Michael J. Fox movie to help carry the theme. Don't forget to mute it though--Tigercity would not appreciate any comparison to the synth found in the opening credits to such movies. Start Pretend Not to Love. Use the silky, groovy "Powerstripe" and a wine cooler to warm up your dance date. Four minutes and twenty-eight seconds is all you'll need.
Step 4: Remind your date during "Are You Sensation" that you are not listening to Sugarhill Gang. Keep grooving instead.
Step 5: If your date has already been through at least three "Exotic Berry" coolers and several Pabst by the time you reach the buttery smooth "Let Her Go," clap your lights out, and allow your date to ambiguously initiate their desire to make out. Do not forget to turn off the television, because honestly, nobody makes out with Teen Wolf in the same room. If you have a pleather couch nearby, keep it clear. Ideally, you will have seven minutes.
Step 6: Allow "Solitary Man" to invite you off the couch for one more groove with your date. If you have a disco ball, kindly refrain from using it. Tigercity suggest soft lighting instead.
At worst, these looped beats and synthesizers could be easily mistaken for those floating over the frozen food aisle in a grocery store of yesteryear. Quite the contrary, as the 80s muzak pop niche has never sounded this smooth, or been this much fun. However, longevity in such a niche is left entirely up to how much life you can squeeze from waxing nostalgic with strangers.
I get the feeling that Tigercity doesn't care though. Probably too busy on the couch.