The Killers – Day & Age
Record Label: Island Records
Release Date: November 25, 2008
A few days ago I was walking home, saving emissions, and generally minding my own business. I diverted my attention from the asphalt in front of me to wave at some hotties who had recognized me as “The Blake Solomon” – this happens quite a bit, so as you can guess, I’ve become pretty good at multi-tasking. Well, for whatever reason, my gaze missed a big honking piece of gum in the path. I planted my left, neon green Dunk right on top of this abomination. Ew! Yucky! The fragment was so big that it threw my walk off, making it look like I was hiding a peg leg under my corduroys, which, admittedly, would have been awesome. But no, all I had was someone’s Juicy Fruit and no equilibrium.
Being a germaphobe (this is not a word – Ed.), I didn’t dare touch this piece of gum until returning home. I always keep spare sets of doctor’s latex gloves in my desk just for situations such as this. I highly recommend keeping a box around, especially if you have a dog or a f**king filthy roommate who somehow manages to leave his underwear in the most ridiculous of places.
By the time I arrived home a blister was forming from all the limping. For all their flashy girl appeal, Dunks do a shitty job of comforting the foot. I could barely make it up the stairs to my desk, and indeed I didn’t, because I realized the gum was stuck to the carpet. I was caught in quicksand made of saliva and whatever the hell Xantham is. Knowing that my housemates could barge in at any second and see me stuck to the stairs, I had to act quick. I removed my shoe, which I should have done ages ago, and rushed to put on my gloves. I also stopped for some Kool-Aid, but that’s just because I’m an idiot who has no time management skills.
Naturally, “Tim” arrives home to see me hunched over the 4th step, wearing doctor’s gloves and sweating buckets. He asked if there was any more Kool-Aid, I grunted yes, and he lurched away. That wasn’t so bad. I had forgotten that a few weeks ago I caught him watching Wizards of Waverly Place much too late on a weekend night. He owed, and cut, me some slack. It’s a roommate code; weird things are going to happen to all involved, so don’t dwell on them.
Back to the story: I removed the gum only after a call to my mother. There’s some sort of magic solution only moms know that removes gum from carpets. And apparently just by my voice she knew I hadn’t eaten any vegetables that day. What a saint. I was just glad the ordeal was over. And, yes, glad that I was too busy to notice Day & Age, the wretched abomination that is The Killers' new album, playing over and over and over again through my headphones. Ew! Yucky!
Recommended If You Like: Panic! at the Disco and freeze pops
here come the comments "you didn't write anything about the album". Just stay away from this album unless you enjoy awful music. Instead, enjoy reading Blakes review which is ultimately more satisfying then the album itself.
Hmm. Not much of a review. Haven't heard it yet, so it may yet deserve it, but typically albums at least deserve analysis of some sort, regardless of how bad they may be.
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