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Brokencyde - BC13 Album Cover
Author's Rating
Vocals 3.5
Musicianship 1
Lyrics 0.75
Production 5
Creativity 0.5
Lasting Value 0.75
Reviewer Tilt 0.75
Final Verdict: 18%
Member Ratings
Vocals 0.71
Musicianship 0.68
Lyrics 0.7
Production 0.85
Creativity 0.75
Lasting Value 0.67
Reviewer Tilt 0.67
Average: 7%

Brokencyde - BC13

Reviewed by: Scott Irvine (01/16/09)
Brokencyde - BC13
Record Label: Suburban Noize Records
Release Date: October 21st, 2008


There is a scene in the movie Children of Men where Michael Caine blares contemporary "zen music" so as to humor Clive Owen after a long, hard day -- the music is maniacal and downright awful so as to represent the very depths of hell art has sunk to in the Apocalyptic setting of the movie. Sirs and mams, that was a movie, and though there exists music as Michael Caine played aloud (in this case, Aphex Twin), Brokencyde is very real and, God knows why, is growing steadily more popular. Before this, I had thought that MTV's script-happy show "Parental Control" was at the very end of the dementia-inducing spectrum, but thirteen year-olds who find attending eighth grade algebra equivalent to Dante's inspection of Hell have pushed the boundaries to a frightening, frightening degree. By combining the very worst elements of bottom-of-the-barrel dancefloor hip-hop with an incompatible amount of screaming, Brokencyde has proven that thirst for the dolla' dolla' bills y'all can and will fuck things up in the process -- in this case whatever dignity "music" has left.

There were more times than I could count in the duration of BC13 where I was convinced that this album, this band is one big joke that simultaneously spoofs two notoriously ailing genres. With lines like, "Girl you make my pee pee hard" and "If you want me baby feel me in/Cause I don't waste my time with lesbians" -- it all has to be a joke, right? Right? Hip-hop has turned in to one big campfire story-swap of dancefloor and party scenes, but after listening to even one song on BC13 my skin begins to feel tingly and my grasp on reality slowly begins to weaken. The emissions from this clusterfuck of warped intuitions must be vacuumed away immediately by backpacking through Asia or reading and comprehending Finnegans Wake, which explains the average rationality of Brokencyde's fanbase because a chapter or two of David Eggers and a roadtrip two states over with your family is a fine foundation for a kid to get allured by Se7en, Phat J, Mik L, and Antz's (actual nicknames of the bandmembers) tall tales of sex-centered exploits.

I'd like to specifically describe one or two songs, but all five more or less sound as overwhelmingly bad as I have tried to illustrate above -- so why even bother? The keys and beats are the GED to Soulja Boy's High School diploma, the lyrics a desperate plea for a one-off role in a snuff film. The vocals are the least wronged aspect to this entire picture, but if the lyrics are so laughably bad then you should not care if the singer can carry a tune or the screamer can properly enunciate "IN-STANT-MESSENGER" (see "HoFoSho" for the latter gem.) Let's just say that this review wouldn't exist if this band hadn't of been taken seriously. But they are. Music is subjective only until a certain point, kids. Brokencyde is simply an embarrassing gauge of where we are as a society, a disgusting joke, a capitalization on pubescent desires and our oversight for such stale bullshit gaining unreasonable notoriety.

It's not a terrible thing to listen to music your parents would approve of, kids.
 
Displaying posts 1 - 15 of 294
04:30 PM on 01/16/09
#2
Travis Parno
my sensible heart
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brilliant.
04:45 PM on 01/16/09
#3
hiddentrack
I feel fine when you’re in my head.
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review rocks, band sucks.
04:51 PM on 01/16/09
#4
zubinmoosa
Tonight I'm Burning Star IV
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As soon as I saw a Brokencyde review, I knew it would bring the lolz
04:54 PM on 01/16/09
#5
kianacarly
I'm living it, leaving it to change
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Some of my friends listen to Brokencyde. They always play it on full volume while we're driving around. Worst. Thing. Ever.
05:01 PM on 01/16/09
#6
more heart
Get Hurt
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that score was way too high
05:20 PM on 01/16/09
#7
poppunknerd182
Come On E
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that score was way too high
agree
06:07 PM on 01/16/09
#8
THE_SICKEST
beer
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Its almost as good as millionaires.
07:00 PM on 01/16/09
#9
newfoundmichael
@SirDaveyBoy
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While this band really does suck, it does get kind of old seeing these reviews that are obviously just going to tear the bands down. I mean, it is hilarious, but just kinda predictable. Ap.net is just way better this shitty music ya know?
07:03 PM on 01/16/09
mogwaifearsatan
feels good man
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Quote:
the music is maniacal and downright awful so as to represent the very depths of hell art has sunk to in the Apocalyptic setting of the movie. Sirs and mams, that was a movie, and though there exists music as Michael Caine played aloud (that song had to come from somewhere right?)


uh, yeah, it's omgyiya switch7 by aphex twin off of drukqs, which came out in like 2001, and it's an incredible track by an incredible artist. i thought you actually had to know shit about music before they let you review it?

also, if you honestly wasted time reviewing a fucking brokencyde album, then you just got trolled and are just as dumb as any of their 'fans'. this is obviously all a huge joke and anyone who can't see that is blind.
07:46 PM on 01/16/09
Blake Solomon
Leave a one-way note.
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I've been brought to tears
08:22 PM on 01/16/09
hockeyguitar99
Prison Strength
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As soon as I saw a Brokencyde review, I knew it would bring the lolz
I already wrote one, it's been up for a few weeks.
08:53 PM on 01/16/09
GoWaitInTheCar
The World Won't Listen.
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First it was cool to listen to rap music because it was "ironic". Now it's a staple in the scene to listen to it more then regular music. I will never understand the idea of this trend or trends like these. Kids think for themselves less and less as the days past. In two or three years everyone will laugh at this album and the kids who listen to it will be ashamed. Remember when everyone thought My Chemical Romance was cool?
10:12 PM on 01/16/09
Fantastic.
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Scott, you're review speaks the truth, from reading them in the text to them coming out of your mouth.

Very nice job, this lets me (and others) know how much of a joke this band really is. How is this real? I don't get it.
10:14 PM on 01/16/09
MixedwithBlood
i kissed a drunk girl
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probably my favorite review ever...seriously.
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